Forward and Back Again (false_hopes) wrote,
Forward and Back Again

Lather, Rinse, and Repeat

I've realized why I continue to have dreams about going back to high school.

High school is so defined. It's a routine: you get up, go to school, come home, do homework, go to bed. Lather, rinse, and repeat.

My life is anything but stable anymore. My work schedule varies as does my sleep schedule. I don't know what to expect from tomorrow or even today. Living on my own feels like it's causing this extra stress that is piling ontop of the other stressors that I seem to encounter everyday.

I love him. My God, do I love him. But everytime I think of her it does make me sick. The fact that he still talks to her makes me sick. And he's worried about Trev? I never used to date Trev and you're worrried? Jesus, if he gets worried about that so easily how does he think I feel?

I started reading the conversations again despite the fact that I told myself I wouldn't. He told her he "hearts" her and that he should delete that before I saw it. SNAP!

Now, one would think that any normal person would get so mad about that. Yeah, it didn't really affect me in the slightest.

I feel like I could buy a bottle of vodka, drink the whole thing by myself, so that I could feel something other than what I'm feeling right now. And I've never drank by myself before, but it is looking so appetizing right now. That and a whole pack of cigarettes. Oh, God, I miss smoking. And drinking, but smoking more, I think.
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