Forward and Back Again (false_hopes) wrote,
Forward and Back Again

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Forward and Back Again?

It's one of those 'ohnoshedidn't!'

I wonder if it was just past feelings that were being stirred up, but I really don't ever seeing it being anything more than a sexual relationship. It seems as though I still can't shake him. What's weird is that we didn't really talk or get together or do anything besides say "hi" when we saw each other at school and now it's sex? Huh?

But I guess it was the same way with the other guy, it just kinda came out of the blue. But at least I know that with the other guy it's nothing more than lust, but with him, I don't know. Maybe he still has feelings for me and the time that we recently spent together I was trying to find those feelings, but it seems like he's still the same person as he was when we were dating. And it really is a shame because when I broke up with him I said that maybe in a few years we could work things out and it's been almost a year and a half and he's not anymore mature than he was before. I just don't see a change, thus I am not attracted to him at all except sexually (and even that, eh--)

I don't know. I feel like I keep going back to guys that I used to like and it's like I'm not going forward at all. Less forward more back. And I have been interested in moving forward, but if I can't find a new guy that I like (and it's mutual) than I can't really move forward I guess. 

I'm trying to think of it from a psychological standpoint and think what I am doing this because I feel comfortable with those people and more comfortable with my past? But I don't think I feel comfortable with my past at all, so why do I keep resorting back to it? Because I know it? It's not new?
Kinda ironic that the three guys I've been with in any sexual manor my whole life, I've been around at least once this summer (and one it happened by chance and I don't care for him at all and would be happy to never see him again).
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